The Oregon Symphony’s first classical concert of the 2012/13 season rightfully deserves an exhaustive six-page spread, but the fucking idgits who run this craptastic “newspaper” wouldn’t know culture if it bit them on their skinny-jeaned douchetard asses. So here’s a preview that even the PBR-addled brain of a Mercury music editor can comprehend: Finnish up front and Italian on the back end, Saturday’s program features several epic hits penned by Jean Sibelius and Ottorino Respighi. As if that weren’t kick-ass enough, the symphony once again exceeds expectations by sharing the stage with an internationally renowned soloist. Colin Currie is percussion royalty, and he’ll be jamming on a five-octave marimba, a metal vibraphone, and a panoply of exotic instruments, showcasing a super fresh composition written especially for him. Unless you’ve already made plans to hear (yet another) whiny trustafarian strum his way through a setlist of half-assed introspective shit, do yourself a favor and put down this wretched rag, order some symphony tickets, and experience what it’s like to have your mind blown by 70-plus musicians of the highest caliber.