My favorite musical moment of the year took place on January 28 at a Monday evening Oregon Symphony concert, when the band’s special guest was soprano Amber Wagner—a native Oregonian who has gone on to perform opera internationally. Maestro Carlos [Kalmar] was atop the podium with an ingenious program of back-to-back gems from Richard Strauss: Death and Transfiguration followed seamlessly, without applause, by the composer’s posthumously published Four Last Songs. Rather than dutifully note the orchestral and vocal proficiency on full display that night, it’s probably best to skip any futile attempts at explaining the sublimely ineffable. After the final Last Song was sung and the delicate strings, hushed winds, and muted brass slowly left this world forever, somehow the sound of an intensely precious voice remained, offering hope that in the end—in the very end—everything would be okay.

For all you ignorant fucktards who wrongly assume orchestras just play old music: Tonight our Oregon Symphony busts out a violin concerto written in 2006 by Finnish composer Magnus Lindberg. With its drastically stripped-down orchestration focused on high-strung pensiveness, Lindberg’s 27-minute work is nothing less than a sonic wonder for the ears and an ethereal playground for the soul. Plus, I’m pleased as proverbial punch to report the evening’s guest fiddler is none other than Elina Vähälä—sliding, scratching, and plucking her way to stratospheric heights on a 335-year-old Stradivarius. If Vähälä’s last few appearances at the Schnitz are any indication, this Nordic gypsy’s powerful technique and astounding grace will certainly produce spellbinding results. But hang on to your goddamn Poler hats—there’s more! P-town’s biggest band opens up this show with the sly, dry wit of Prokofiev’s The Love for Three Oranges‘ surreal orchestral suite and closes it down with Tchaikovsky’s flamingly over-the-top Symphony No. 4. What’s that? Tonight you’ll be texting while listening to some pasty lad in pearl-snap buttons whine through masturbatory lyrics? Lucky for you, the program repeats Sunday and Monday, so you’ve got exactly zero excuses for missing out on the orchestra’s last classical concert of 2013.